Change

An Ode to Change
The Good- The Bad -The Unexpected-The Expected

Change is ever upon me, us, the whole universe
The weather changes
The seasons change
Plants change
The moon changes
We change as we age both physical, mental, and spiritual
Why do I love change and curse change at the same time?
When will I learn to embrace ALL my life changes in any form they take?

My change lately is physical-new house, new business, new upcoming baby
The change I am fearing is entering of a new era, new life lessons, new knowledge of my strengths to be tested and weakness I have never known about before. I guess that's the thing about change it makes me feel ALIVE and yet can be so crushing when I learn or experience something so raw and unexpected it takes my breath away. I want to live not in FEAR of the unknown and unexpected-but rather EMBRACE the fires of change that refine me and my human soul. I want to learn and take notice of the lessons learned. I want to anticipate the crazy and love the ride along the way. Maybe I could use to see life as the adventure of inevitable change it is and swim with the currant any direction it's moving and enjoy the refreshing movement of it all. Today I will sail along with what comes along and maybe I might have more fun.

sick of the sickies

The body is an amazing piece of machinery. I mean really it's quite remarkable how much the human body can endure my own husband survived a crash at 14 years, old flipped out of a pickup truck bed smashed his head on the pavement at least going 50 miles per hour. Sure his body had some set backs but he recovered over time, minus a few aches and pains that creep up but hey his body lived. We see the our bodies preform heroic acts of strength all the time just turn on any major sports event on the tv to watch the body working like crazy and performing so well. Pregnancy, yup that's a big one where all the tiniest of details work together flawlessly for in the end a plump cuddly newborn in just a mere 40 week time span ( I know how ready we all are at 40 weeks but I mean really 40 weeks!).
But don't go getting all full of yourself body. I have quite the bone to pick with you. What is up in the being sick department? I mean seriously I can grow a perfect human but my body fighting of the flu feels like it's taking a no holds bar kill or be killed assult that quite frankly in not only brutel but relentless. Is this is human body task that just forgot about all the heroism it goes through ALL the time and said screw it just kill, kill, kill, no questions asked. Am I jaded right now? You betcha 5 of us battling for our normal life since last Sat and still little to no improvement wears even me out, one tough cookie that would like to think I could have been an amazing pioneer mama!. Yikes this is huge a mean there are 52 weeks a year and I have just lost one whole week and 3 days worth of living.
What I really need to understand is exceptance I guess. I can't control this. How many other things do I feel I have power over but yet just a real false picture of untruth in my mind. If I could except this as a regular part of the human growth process would I heal faster? Would I come to a place where my body could release the illness because I have submitted? Well I'm tired I think I'll lay down again and ponder that some more. . .

Here we Go

So I stummbled upon this by Evenstar Art

"Join me in taking one small step to realize a dream. Join me in extending one small effort in the direction of a more positive, fulfilling life. Stop looking at the enormity of what you have dreamed up for yourself and do one thing to invoke your vision. Do one thing to nab the attention of the Universe and let It know you are serious about manifesting this dream. Resist the temptation to sabotage yourself by focusing on three needful steps. Focus on one.
Prepare yourself.
Take the step."

Here is is my first step. After much processing tonight I have decided Yes today I can at least write and let the universe know I am searching for more. More depth. More truth. Both honest hard truth, and graceful blessings of kind truth. I will no longer let my words of thought run void in the darkness of my fear. I have known I would like to write my thoughts for so long . But O how easy to walk away and turn out the light of those moments because of time vaporizers.

So sister Evenstar Art that knows nothing of me and my personal quest for depth and truth this is my first focused step. Writing an actual blog instead of reading everyone else's rambled soul search. I put myself out there in that spaceous world of internet blogs.

Do I feel confident in my writing and open to others stumbling across my wandering mind,
well no not even close. But if I can post my birth slide shows on YouTube in the hopes others might be inspired to birth at home I imagine my private thoughts can't be much worse then my naked birthing body.

I am open for inspiration. I am open to answer those questions you dare ask. The questions that bring me depth and peace when I realize the exististance of the uncovered thoughts that lay somewhere in the depths of my heart. Or maybe you will stumble my mind wandering into a dimention I have never even considered. Be what be I am focusing my heart and mind to growth. Here's to taking that big plunge!